18.08.10 – Pardon the “geekery” but in the bare bones world of Unix OS where you can open several environments as different users, it’s easy to forget who you are. So there’s , whoami. Entering “whoami” and hitting return tells the computer to remind you who you are. I feel like I could use whoami in my life these days. The combination of all the change involved in moving to a foreign land and finding a bit of time to recollect now that I’m slowly settling into a routine, I’ve found my first free thoughts to be “who am I.”
It’s an odd and fascinating feeling at the same time. I think everyone has felt it at one time or another. I see it as one of the advantages of making a big change like I’m making now. I guess it could be frightening, exploring a new room which is not well-lit, but I think I’ve explored enough of these types of areas so I know I won’t be hurt. Maybe it’s how a scuba diver might feel, diving deep into an unexplored area in a foreign environment. The first time might be scary but eventually you start looking for something that makes your pulse quicken.
I had the feeling twice in the last week. Once when I was in Paris visiting my sister Kim. On the last day, I headed downstairs from the 7th story apartment by myself to grab some fresh air and a few minutes of “alone time.” It was early on a drizzly Sunday morning. I almost stopped in my tracks thinking “Where am I?” Luckily I heard a conversation from an open window in another apartment and they were speaking French. Oh yeah, Paris.
Last night, in Helsinki, I had some time to myself and I was walking around the bay that leads into Töölönlahti as the warm colors of dusk spread themselves across the water. My mind wandered back to someone I knew back in Portland, Oregon. Some guy named Tom Beidler? Who was that person?
Sorry if I’m waxing poetic a bit too much. It’s a good feeling and I wish I could bottle it up for the future or share it with anyone interested. I’m sure I’ll experience it more and more in the coming weeks, months and years to follow. Hopefully you will too.
Hi Tom. My name is Karen Biedler Alexander. We may well be very very distant cousins. Our branch has spelled it Bieder since about 1865 for some reason. I grew up in Ohio but was not born there. Our family roots are Virginia. I have done a lot of genealogical research and traced our Virginia Beidler roots back to the Mennonites in PA (1770 and then back to Germany (1732) and then to Switzereland (1565) before that. My husband and I were in Switzerland on biz several time in the late 90s. During these visits I was able to go back to the village where my Beidlers came from. There they spell the name Beutler. In Germany they spelled it Beidler. In VA they spelled it Beydler, Beidler and Biedler!
I stumbled across your blog tonight. Your thoughts about adjusting to a new country/culture brought back a lot of memories. I lived overseas twice with my family as a teenager ….but never alone as an adult as you are doing…I was overseas two years while in high school and one year after a year of college. My father was a college teacher. My sibs and I were the only Caucasian in our l classes. Living and associating so closely with the Filiponos on Panay Island was a great learning experience on many levels and it changed my whole outlook on life as a teen ager. I loved my time there. Coming home seemed almost a greater culture shock than going over!
It’s good to get out of our ruts and see the world thru new eyes. The older you get, the more you realize the “sages of the ages” knew what they were talking about.
Here are a few of those words from a sage of my generation:
“In opening we can see how many times we have mistaken small identities and fearful beliefs for our true nature, and how limiting this is. We can touch with great compassion the pain from the contracted identities that we and others have created in the world.
When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment. This is the beginning and the end of spiritual practice.
The key is changing our habits and, in particular, the habits of our mind.
Ours is a society of denial that conditions us to protect ourselves from any direct difficulty and discomfort. We expend enormous energy denying our insecurity, fighting pain, death, and loss, and hiding from the basic truths of the natural world and of our own nature.”
Jack Kornfiled
Don’t ask me where I read his words. I found them somewhere and added it to my computer several years ago.
My passion in life is textile history, i.e. capturing women’s history, family history and community history thru the textiles they made. Quilt history became my specialty early on. You can read my blog Quilt History Reports here: karenquilt.blogspot.com
I wish you a life that continues to reveal its grand mystery through every person and experience you encounter. Blessings to you.
Karen Biedler Alexander
Karen,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your info. As I get older, I’ve learned to appreciate any info on my family history. Both of my parents were only children and came from somewhat “checkered” pasts. My dad’s mother died during childbirth and he was adopted by his grandparents who chose to keep him away from his biological father. My mom’s parents divorced and I guess her father was a creep. Needless to say, there weren’t many stories to share.
My ex-wife has done some research on my side of the family so I will send her your post and point her to your blog. Hopefully it will straighten out more of the puzzle.
I find it very interesting that you spent time in the Philippines. I spent a little time there when I was younger and in the Navy. I love Filipinos.
Tom
Love these photos. You are inspiring me to find the same type of photos in Colombia.
Hey Tom, this is my favorite post of all so far. I love the way you express yourself. And your pictures aren’t bad either. Well done!!
And btw, if you ever need to know whoami don’t forget there are at least four other Beidlers who can help you out with that.
I love you : )
Thanks Kim. Love you too!!!
I know who I am, I guess it’s just exciting to learn new things about yourself. I bet you have a few things you could share from your trip to Paris and Italy.
Once again, Happy Birthday! and have a safe flight tomorrow. Will skype when you get back.
Whoa!! Getting kind of deep their bro’.
I have got to say though I’m really blown away by your pictures. I used to always pick-up photography books that were simply collections of those types of photos. Just unique shots in a pastry shop, graffiti-marked door knockers, shaddow-filled outdoor shots. Maybe a book deal is in your future!
Hey, if someone wants to do a book of my stuff, talk to my agent
It’s been fun so far. It’s amazing how much time you can spend on it. When we first moved here I was worried about what I could do to fill up all the free time but this has really kept me busy while the kids are at school. It’s been great to keep in touch with you guys too. Lets see how long I can keep it up. Hopefully you and Jennifer will be on here, or in the book, one of these days.
Thanks for the comments!
There should be some word, somewhere in some language (perhaps Hindu?) for “un-deja vu”.