18.08.10 – Pardon the “geekery” but in the bare bones world of Unix OS where you can open several environments as different users, it’s easy to forget who you are. So there’s , whoami. Entering “whoami” and hitting return tells the computer to remind you who you are. I feel like I could use whoami in my life these days. The combination of all the change involved in moving to a foreign land and finding a bit of time to recollect now that I’m slowly settling into a routine, I’ve found my first free thoughts to be “who am I.”
It’s an odd and fascinating feeling at the same time. I think everyone has felt it at one time or another. I see it as one of the advantages of making a big change like I’m making now. I guess it could be frightening, exploring a new room which is not well-lit, but I think I’ve explored enough of these types of areas so I know I won’t be hurt. Maybe it’s how a scuba diver might feel, diving deep into an unexplored area in a foreign environment. The first time might be scary but eventually you start looking for something that makes your pulse quicken.
I had the feeling twice in the last week. Once when I was in Paris visiting my sister Kim. On the last day, I headed downstairs from the 7th story apartment by myself to grab some fresh air and a few minutes of “alone time.” It was early on a drizzly Sunday morning. I almost stopped in my tracks thinking “Where am I?” Luckily I heard a conversation from an open window in another apartment and they were speaking French. Oh yeah, Paris.
Last night, in Helsinki, I had some time to myself and I was walking around the bay that leads into Töölönlahti as the warm colors of dusk spread themselves across the water. My mind wandered back to someone I knew back in Portland, Oregon. Some guy named Tom Beidler? Who was that person?
Sorry if I’m waxing poetic a bit too much. It’s a good feeling and I wish I could bottle it up for the future or share it with anyone interested. I’m sure I’ll experience it more and more in the coming weeks, months and years to follow. Hopefully you will too.